Tag Archives: Cheating

Date 27.4: So Am I a MILF or a Cougar?

The exclusive friends with benefits thing? Not real practical. Especially when your “friend” goes MIA for ten days. Maybe it was a cheap move, but I texted Date 31, asking when I was going to see him again because Date 27 (who’s 27) had renewed his texting campaign. Date 31 didn’t make any plans with me, so I got a little pissy and told Date 27 he could come over.

Super tall, super built, and blond (and only 27!), Date 27 is a tasty package. Sex-wise, he’s a little on the vanilla side, but what he lacks in creativity he makes up for in stamina and resilience, so there’s that. Also, Date 27 is a genuinely nice guy. Maybe it’s sex-driven, but he texts me regularly throughout the week, wishing me a good day and such. As you may or may not recall, he’s one of the only guys who remembered both my birthday and Mother’s Day without having to be reminded. Okay–maybe it’s a little creepy that he so handily remembered Mother’s Day, but whatever–the sentiment was appreciated.

Anyway, super horny, I invited Date 27 over to my place for a morning sex date that wound up lasting four hours. Later that day, at book club (have I mentioned the fact that I’m one of the only white girls in an all-black book club? If not, my preacher’s-daughter friend is the leader, for reference), I solicited my girlfriends’ opinions on the situation, since I was feeling a little guilty about “cheating” on Date 31. “Should I tell him?” I asked them outright.

“Hell, no!” came the unanimous response, along with a bevy of stories about how they had kept their guys waiting and wondering in order to keep them interested. Shockingly (to me, anyway), lying seemed to be an accepted practice when it came to the game of love. Now, call me old-fashioned or whatever, but while I get the point (and definitely the motivation), this still didn’t sit well with me. I’d rather be in a relationship with someone with whom I could be totally honest and not feel the need to hide or lie about anything. Yeah, I declared inwardly, I’m going to take the high road. There’s no need for dishonesty.

Approximately four seconds after that thought crossed my mind, my phone rang with a voice call (not a text!) from Date 31. I can’t remember exactly what he said, but I remember very well being mega-nervous as I spoke with him, and feeling mega-guilty. I told him I was still in the middle of book club (even though it was pretty much over and there were only three of us left at that point) so I couldn’t really talk. So much for honesty, because we all know that offering half-truths is just a kinder, gentler means of lying.

As I thought about it, though, I was like, you know what? I’m not going to feel guilty about this! Because here was a guy who was stringing me along, trying to monopolize my sex without really giving me anything in return. And maybe I’m not a supermodel, but I do have a few key things going for me. I like to exercise, so my body is reasonably decent, I’m aging better than most, so people tend to be shocked when I tell them I’m 43, I’m an excellent cook (and an even better baker), I’m a published author, and, last but certainly not least, I’ve come to the conclusion (based on comments by ALL the guys I’ve slept with since dumping my ex) that I have a sexual superpower: when I’m excited, I get unbelievably wet.

Yeah, that last bit was probably TMI, but it’s relevant, since it boosts my self-esteem and makes me think that someday, some guy is going to realize I’m a decent catch. He’ll put a ring on my finger, buy me a Range Rover, and we’ll live happily ever after in the Ranch. Until then, I’ll just keep doing my best trying not to get my heart broken.

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Facebook Counter-Stalking

I think I might have mentioned before how my sister knows all these nifty, tech-savvy tricks that have proven useful in the online dating arena. Well, here’s another one: she showed me how to see who’s been looking at your facebook page. Don’t ask me how to do it, since she set me up on her computer and then went to sleep while I obsessively dug around, trying to find out who all the coded-number profiles belonged to (it’s a copy-paste-repeat type of affair, this research), but since you, dear reader, have been in on the details of my dating journey, I figured it’d be interesting to share the results.

That said, my kids were at the top of my list, a discovery that warmed my heart so much, I still get kind of teary-eyed just thinking about it. All teenagers, they’re good at acting like they don’t care, so it was nice to find out that they actually do. Also on the list were lots of friends, family, and writing/professional colleagues, which was great to see. But now let’s get to the guys already.

Right up there with my kids was Date 16, aka My High-School Boyfriend. Being that he’s married, I know this isn’t right. And wasn’t I just talking about his affinity for Catholic guilt? So he definitely knows it’s not right! Because his code wasn’t just there once–it was all over the place, like he’d been stalking my profile all day. Flattering, yes, but seeing his number up there so many times also made me kind of sad for him, since his viewing my page probably says more about the state of his marriage than it does about his fondness for me.

Ditto that when it comes to Date 0, who’s electronic footprints were also all over the place, as well. I know I’m over him now, but I still have a nagging sense of dread that if we’re ever on a panel or at a signing together (especially if it’s somewhere out of town), there could be trouble. Dude is just so fantastically, bizarro-ly charming, not to mention uniquely handsome–I can say we’re done as long as we don’t come near each other, but it’s probably a good idea for us to maintain the 100-mile distance between us.

All right–let’s get to the one-offs, the codes that came up in the top ten but didn’t readily appear further down the page of numbers: also present on my list were Date 13 (the angry but very hot cat-owner guy who’s in his mid-thirties) and Date 17 (the super-amazing, ultra-hot guy I used to be friends with and had a ferocious crush on in high school who started communicating with me out of nowhere and then disappeared from my life just as quickly). Weird, right? It’s like, what gives? These two guys totally ignore me, yet they’re keeping tabs on my facebook profile? Maybe I’m clueless, but I really don’t get it. Probably just as well, since if they can’t be bold enough to make contact, they’re not the type of guy I’m looking for anyway.

Still, I wonder–am I going to hear from either of them at some point in the future? I’m planning on joining Date 13’s gym later this week, not because he goes there, but because it’s a good gym and has relatively reasonable prices. Really, I avoided joining this particular gym previously because of him, but I tried the other local, price-reasonable gym in the area, and I wasn’t happy with it, so tough luck, Date 13!

Date 17 is still slogging through the stickiness of his divorce, so I guess I can’t blame him for maintaining distance. As you might recall, his ex-wife was calling me repeatedly, hanging up on my cell phone, after she found out Date 17 and I were in communication. So, yeah–maybe it’s better if he stays away. My best guess is that she’s threatening him somehow with respect to seeing their kids, and since she’s an intelligent, beautiful woman who happens to work in the profession-that-must-not-be-named, I’m pretty sure she knows how to make good on her words.

Also on the list of lookie-loos were some guys I’ve always suspected might have crushes on me but I’ve never dated. Hard to say if they really do like me or they’re just wondering when my new (not this one, which no one knows about, but the legit one) book comes out (Winter 2014–still don’t have an exact date, but I guess it’s not like I can provide a link here anyway, since it’s teen fiction, and this is, well, NOT!).

Like I said–I’m not sure any of this will matter in the long run, but I’ll keep you posted.