Tag Archives: Dominance and submission

Viewing Myself through the Lens of Date [-4]: Domme Potential?

Although I mentioned Date [-4] briefly in my last post, I was kind of pissy about it, since I highly suspect “he” was actually Date [-1/-3], and not a new person. That said, I didn’t want to give him/her the satisfaction of my detailing their dishonesty, lamenting over why they wouldn’t just meet me in person and get it over with already. But here’s the thing: in this incarnation of his/her online dating persona, s/he pretended to be a submissive guy who wanted me to take charge and basically show him the ropes.

Interesting dilemma, that. As a deeply submissive woman, I know what kind of charge we subbies crave. Out of curiosity’s sake, while planning for our “date,” I tried on several outfits, trying to cultivate a stern yet sexy look that I suspected would make Date [-4] cream in his shorts. Taking it a step further, wondering if he really, truly wanted me go there with him, I got out my flogger and waved it around threateningly while making nasty demands. All the while, I watched myself in the mirror to see if I could really pull off being so authoritative in the bedroom.

Oddly enough, I got rather turned on by the whole process. Imagining myself whipping his bare, pinky-white ass, leaving angry red marks from the thin strips of pliable leather, I felt somewhat empowered. Could I really do this? I wondered. Should I start dating submissive guys?

I’ve heard plenty of stories about this particular breed of men. How they’re usually high-powered executives. How they’ll pay $500 an hour to have a hot chick stomp all over them in stiletto heels. Joking around with my sister, I asked her what she thought the practical applications of dating such a guy could be like.

“You will buy me dinner,” I said in a bossy tone of voice.

“We’re going out of town for the weekend,” I continued, “and you’re going to book the reservations.”

“I need diamond earrings. Now!” she barked, and we both dissolved into laughter.

Joking aside, I have to ruminate over whether that submissive side would bleed into other aspects of a romantic relationship. Would the dominant person always be responsible for planning dates? Would she have to pay the bills (albeit out of his checking account!)? Would she always have to initiate sex? Does submissiveness in a guy translate to laziness?

Maybe, maybe not. I’m submissive, but I’m a total go-getter in terms of achievement. At work, I’ve always been an exemplary employee, taking charge when the job requires it and deferring to orders as needed.

Anyway, we’ll see. There’s a younger, somewhat submissive (real) guy I’ve been messaging with on the dating site for awhile now, and I think we might finally go out. True to stereotype, he’s a financier who probably has an MBA or something. Way too many years between us for me to take him seriously, but I have to say this: when we finally go out, I hope it’ll be on a cool night, so I can wear my boots.

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Date 4.1: Let’s Talk about Kink

Now, I realize there are different levels of kinkiness. What some consider tame, others think makes them a wild and crazy guy. For example, Date 2, while we were having sex, kept remarking, “You are so submissive!” (Did he do anything about it, however, other than slap my ass a couple times? No, unfortunately, but I hadn’t been planning on going there with it, so the sex was still rockin’.) Date 3, on the other hand, straight out informed me that he was a little kinky. “Put on your shoes,” he ordered before proceeding to fuck me standing up in front of his mirrored closet doors. Eh, whatever. Not my thing, but I could see it–they were an awfully sexy pair of high-heeled sandals.

Maybe I’m a little blasé about the world of kink, but you have to understand, even my high school boyfriend and I (my first real love, when I was 16 and he was only 15–yikes! I know) had somewhat of a D/s relationship. (Side note: at the beginning of my senior year of high school, this bf dumped me, leaving me emotionally devastated. As I found out later–remember how I mentioned those exes coming out of the woodwork on facebook?–he thought he could do better, that every girl was like me, enjoying sex two-plus hours at a time and more than willing to indulge his fantasies. But guess what? No such luck! Because he’s a total player, I find this shocking. Apparently, though, I’m more unique than he figured, leading him to lobby a quasi-proposal of marriage at me. I told him we’d need to meet in person first, to see if the chemistry between us was still there, but on the inside, maybe I’m immature, but I couldn’t help cuing Nelson-from-The-Simpsons’ voice: HA HA!)

Anyway, Date 4 and I had chatted a little by email regarding our mutual interests in the bedroom. We seemed to be hitting it off, so we made plans to meet at Starbucks for coffee. When I showed up, I recognized him from his photos immediately, but he was little older than I expected. Although his online profile listed him as 45, I’d just been out with a 43-year-old (Date 2), a 42-year-old (Date 3), and my ex-husband is currently 45, so I know what that looks like. This guy was definitely older. Hot in his own unique way (I go for geeks, as you might expect, and he was a complete brainiac, as well as fit, so I was totally onboard with his package), I didn’t have any problem with his potentially being older, but something else gave me pause: his lips were blood-flush red. Because I (very unfortunately) have extensive experience with penile dysfunction, my mind immediately flagged the red lips as being a possible side effect of Viagra.

Maybe I’m wrong, and he just had a sunburn (on his lips!) or whatever, but I was flattered. I thought, At least he thinks I’m hot enough to spend a blue pill on me. Those suckers aren’t cheap! So we chose an isolated table and sat down to talk. As it turned out, he wasn’t 45, he was 49 (or at least that was the age he admitted to, since I have a subscription to one of those snooper services, and there’s a guy by his name who owns property in the same areas he does who’s 54).

After we’d gotten through the conversational niceties, discussing our respective kids, divorces, and professional backgrounds, Date 4 matter-of-factly laid out his intentions. I listened in fascination as he casually explained how he’d like to spank me over his knee, eat both my pussy and my ass, then have both regular and anal sex. “We don’t have to do everything right away,” he assured me, “but I’d really like to spank you today. Shall we go to your place?”

!!!

Yeah, I’ve done some kinky stuff, and I’m probably naïve, but I’m not used to going there with someone I so recently met! And the ass-eating? What was up with that?!? No way I was kissing him after that business. But still–I was curious, so we indeed went back to my place, and it was fun.

Not sure I’d want that much variety every day, every time, but we definitely clicked, and I’ve seen him again. I just need to make sure I have an opportunity to rest in between.