As I think I’ve mentioned, because Date 31 and I knew we weren’t ideal for each other, we had an understanding that we’d date other people but only sleep with each other. As a result, I went on a succession of Internet dates. First dates tend to be so fleeting, I’ve come to think of them in terms of cocktail-party conversation. Namely, I keep it light, keep it moving, and try to learn something in the process. That said, here’s the lowdown on how I fared in January:
Date 33.1 – An intelligent, handsome (but short–he barely cleared my height) gentleman in his late 50s, Date 33 took me out to dinner for our first meeting. Our conversation was lively and interesting the whole date through, and I found myself fascinated with this guy. At the conclusion of our date, he asked if I’d like to go out with him again and I said yes, hopeful he’d ask me to go sailing with him on his 45-foot boat. He kept touching me throughout our date (casually and appropriately, but also very intentionally), so I’m pretty sure he was attracted to me, but then he never called for that second date. Honestly, I don’t think I did anything wrong, since all the trappings of a successful first date were in place, so I have to chalk this one up to being about him, not me. Anyway, onward!
Date 34.1 – I had my doubts about Date 34 when I agreed to meeting him, since he lived over an hour away, but he seemed really nice, so I figured I’d give him a shot since he was in my area for work one day and asked if I’d like to join him for lunch. But here’s the thing: my instincts were correct. I hate to say this, but the area he lived in is kind of remote, and the fact that this didn’t bother him meant we weren’t a match. Not to mention the fact that he showed up looking ten years older than his pictures (this may equal laziness, rather than dishonesty, but either way, it equals both, which goes down as a minus in the date-evaluation process). Also, he was wearing a gold chain under his polo shirt. I know I’ve mentioned it before, but I’ve got to say it again: Guys, tread lightly when it comes to man-jewelry; we chicks don’t dig it unless it’s an expensive watch or your wedding ring (and you’re married to us!). Date 34 was a sweet guy, but like I said–we weren’t a match, so I declined when he came asking for a second date.
Date 36.1 – Surprisingly, Date 36 was the first Asian guy I went out with (surprisingly, because some of the worst crushes I’ve ever had have been on Asian guys; in fact, I lost my virginity to an Asian guy I had it really bad for back in high school). Super handsome and mega-smart (like I’ve mentioned, I go for brainiacs), Date 36 did not disappoint when I met him in person for coffee on a Saturday afternoon. But here’s the thing: he was mega-Zen, like the type of guy who surfs every morning and nothing can rattle him because he’s so perpetually blissed out from spending so much time in the water. I, on the other hand, have always secretly wanted the T-shirt Booger sported in the movie Revenge of the Nerds that read HIGH ON STRESS, since it so accurately reflects my personality. Plus, Date 36 went to Berkeley, while I went to UCLA. Now, the fact that we both went to top UC schools might seem like an argument in favor of compatibility, and it is in some respects since they’re both esteemed California public universities with student populations of similar sizes, but here’s the thing: Bay Area people tend to have something against us SoCal-ers. They’re smarter, but we’ve got prettier people and better weather, and they can’t seem to forgive us for it. Don’t believe me? Check out the local news any weeknight on one of the San Francisco Bay Area’s television stations. Any stories about Los Angeles inevitably portray the city (which is actually full of way more courteous, wonderful, hard-working people than the douchebag bubblehead types who populate the tabloids) as seedy and inherently evil. Plus there’s this level of pretension even former Bay Area folk sometimes carry with them. An example of how this plays out in its natural habitat is found at the Barnes & Noble closest to Berkeley, where they have a section labeled Thesauri. I mean, really? Can’t just lump them in with Reference, now, can we? Some of my closest friends are from the Bay Area and aren’t at all like this, but they also don’t plan on moving back north. Others, well, they’re going to remain acquaintances rather than friends, because we Southern Californians may seem laid back and simple, but we know when we’re being looked down on, and the snobs aren’t invited to the next party. Anyway, I could tell Date 36 thought I was a ditz and wouldn’t be asking for a second date. Turned out I was right. See? We SoCal blondes aren’t so dumb after all!
Date 40.1 – This date actually happened just recently, in May, but it’s of the same ilk, so I’m adding it to this list. That said, on paper, Date 40 seemed to have all the boxes checked: tall, handsome, well-dressed, good job, responsible homeowner. Conversation between us was lively as well. But there was an edge to Date 40, like he might have been a little bit mean, and like what he was really after was getting laid, not going out to dinner. I might have mentioned this before, but I have kind of a good-girl schtick going for me. Some guys (cads!) can see right through it, but most of the guys I’ve dated traditionally (if you can call online dating traditional, but you know what I mean–as opposed to bar-pickup/hookup dates) see me as a squeaky-clean, bookish, church-going mom-type. And I am all that! But I also very well might be a sex addict, so it’s kind of funny to me when guys dismiss me as too straight-laced or whatever and move on without seeing where things might lead given a couple glasses of wine and a tasty dinner. Anyway, Date 40 was one of those. Because he’s so tall and has money, I’m sure he has a vast selection of women at his disposal. Chances are, I dodged a bullet by letting him think I’m all prim and proper.
Such is life, right?
sluttychristiandivorcee 